Sam is a computer programmer who moved here from a city full of rocket scientists. He’s engaged to a woman who must be really weird, because only a weirdo would marry Sam.
He once explained SQL databases on a first date by using Harry Potter spells as an analogy. There was no second date.
He pooped his pants at Bible camp when he was 13, and lied about it for the next 20 years.
He invented the “Invasion Peach-mas Carol” drink, but cannot take the credit for naming it.